<TODO: Clean up archived post. See this note for details.>
Welcome back to collapse spectatoor, the LinkedIn newsletter where I spectate the wide variety of collapses that have started and are happening. For a recap of this project, and a big picture overview of what's been covered and what's planned, check out issue 010: Introduction.
Here's an AI generated podcast discussing this issue of my newsletter. It's hit or miss and they've missed some key points, and also hallucinated, but I think that provides interesting insight into the limitations of these technologies and subjects.
this issue is about bdsm, kink, and business
Trigger warning for this issue, folks. I'm gonna talk about a bunch of stuff that makes people uncomfortable, we're gonna go there together by delving into my sex life because it relates to a startup I'm slowly working through in the AI Ethics space, and it ends with an artsy picture of me at a bdsm event. This is complicated business stuff and not for the faint of heart, especially the parts of it that relate to control.
The final image of this newsletter issue is what I consider to be a tasteful artistic photograph taken of me at a bdsm event. It doesn't include nudity but it does include something I could do for money, and if that's not relevant to this business site I dunno what is.
I call this subject fringe, and it is, but so is entrepreneurship or AI. The entrepreneurship/tech/AI events in my city get the same attendance as the ones full of kinky people and swingers. There's a market here, and there's a lot of products, and there's the oldest elements of human nature. Control is one such aspect of human nature.
Before we talk about control, let's talk about why people want control and why people want to be controlled.
Here's a couple relevant haiku:
kinks are interesting
I came to the world of kink/bdsm rather circuitously after having come out of a 15 year relationship. Obviously all of this stuff existed before, but in 2019 when I joined FetLife I think they only had a few million users at that point. Kink, BDSM, and other alt cultures have exploded as a public interest and the subjects are finding much wider acceptance and awareness.
That's the most important data point to focus on here: there is a substantial and growing base of consumers for products and services in this space. It's a weird market, and it manages to exist on the fringes of every culture, which means it's actually pretty huge.
Millions of people. Billions of dollars. Thousands of viable products and services with 10x that in scammy garbage and toxic bullshit. You can choose not to look at this but you can't say it isn't substantive, and you can't say a bunch of this isn't economically viable.
I like liking things and I think people are awesome. I'm a systems guy with a variety of technical skills under my belt and I've got more experience working with the public than most people I've ever met. I try not to think about it too much but I'm something of a unicorn in my local bdsm scene.
I'm friendly, approachable, genuinely interested in people, respectful, competent, communicative, and all sorts of other relevant and appealing stuff. I'm also queer, single, poly, on the autism spectrum, and not looking for a relationship. All this means that I'm pretty fun at social events and not looking for a whole lot of baggage or drama.
It's a bit of a bummer that's I'm an unhinged weirdo about brain magic and aliens and AI, but hey... nobody's perfect.
being kinky is a hobby until it's a lifestyle
There's lots of overlap to lots of other social hobbies. Before I was kinky I was into LARP Live-Action Roleplay. Think Dungeons & Dragons + camping and improvisational theatre.)
Whatever your perspective is of kinky scenes and communities, it's wrong and you'd benefit from learning more. Many of the best conversations I've had have been in kinky spaces, and many of the most open and welcoming people I've encountered have been there as well. It's not perfect, of course. There's lots of bad stuff, and lots of people that shouldn't be operating in these spaces, but on the whole a robust and active kinky community is beneficial to the broader community around it.
Kinky people are often very good at communicating and understanding what they want.
I've had people come to me with a wide variety of interesting kinky proposals, suggestions, offers, and interests. My personal experiences are actually fairly limited. I'm aromantic and I'm on the asexual spectrum so I don't actually get up to very much, but I find it really fascinating what people are into and always appreciate that they'd think to include me.
I'm a pretty nice fella and I'm very comfortable with authority. Combine that with the fact I look like I came out of a mold that says "the patriarchy" and I tend to get a lot of interest from folks that are looking to give up control in a safe and healthy way.
Some people apparently look at me and are like "yup. I want that person to boss me around sexually."
I don't have a type, but I am a type, and that's been interesting to discover. Actually I'm a few different types, but for the purpose of this article I'm the type of person that people want to submit to. Not everyone, obviously. Certainly not people who aren't in the bdsm scene. I don't imagine that people who aren't kinky look at me and think "Tell me what to do, sir", but I know for a fact wide variety of kinky people do... and if that's not science I don't know what is.
how is this business related?
That's a fair question. I've tried to monetize this to some extent and with mixed results. I've produced and sold some adult content, although none of it is currently available, and I've considered becoming something like a professional Dominant, by which I mean a freelancer who travels around and provides a variety of services that exist on a variety of spectrums related to bdsm, kink, and sexuality.
so... like a life coach + project manager + disciplinarian, all rolled up in one.
It's a kind of legal, depending on what I get up to. I have no interested in getting paid for penetrative sex or anything of the sort so I'd probably be classified as something like an unlicensed non-massage non-therapist. Anyway, I haven't done this, although it is a thing that people do for money.
Frankly I don't see how I can make more money doing that than I can through software engineering. Maybe if I lived in a bigger city, but being a freelance sex worker with my background pays less than being a freelance software engineer. Having been the night manager at a variety of large hotels, and with extensive experience in my local alt communities and the scene, I can tell you with absolutely certainty that sex workers do harder work than software engineers and compensation is skewed in the opposite direction.
Here's another poem:
so what's this startup idea?
I can make more money making an AI-integrated digital tool that serves as a Dominant to people than I can being a Dominant to people or selling tasteful pictures of my junk or whatever.
I can create a niche social media platform that competes directly with Fetlife, and I can integrated a variety of AI tools into it in order to offer support to people in the form of project management, problem solving, and conversations... but with a kinky twist!
It's obviously not for everyone but nothing seems to be for everyone so that's cool.
Most excitingly to me this project is a great way to have a variety of important and inevitable conversations about ethics and AI, and it seems to combine the most of my skills and affinities in a way that's likely to give me a competitive advantage and disruptive edge.
How much control do you actually have over your life? The systems that connect us, the norms and standards we're expected to adhere to, the logistical limitations that come from existing in an environment designed around scarcity and competition... how much of what you have is actual control versus a desire to be in control? It's not a trick questions, it's a hard question. It's a big question. It's the type of conversation a lot of people don't have easy ways to work through, but that doesn't mean it's not the type of conversation they shouldn't be happening.
Sometimes we don't want control. Sometimes the executive dysfunction gets the best of us and we just need people to tell us what to do. There's lots of other reasons to end up in a position where you want to feel comfortable enough to submit to authority.
consent is key
That's the thing I really, really like about the bdsm community. There's a necessary effort made to elevate talk of consent and everyone benefits for it. There's culture and norms in place around engaging substantively with discussions of consent, and there's space to be frank about things.
A lot of this stuff exists in the spaces of our minds we fear to tread. A lot of this stuff exists in places we don't expect for reasons we haven't analyzed, and that means we're at risk of being wrong about our interests and desires. Obviously this isn't something you can just say to people because people don't want to feel that type of uncertainty, but that doesn't mean it's not out there in folks just waiting to trigger a variety of unexpected reactions.
This brings us to the core of my startup idea: The Digital Dominant Platform. This tool aims to take the principles of structure, consent, and collaboration found in the BDSM community and apply them to the broader contexts of personal growth, productivity, and self-discovery. Below, I outline its potential features and use cases, designed to empower people through technology.
Here's an ontologically jarring infodump that correlates a wide variety of personal challenges with the type of features and functionality my startup idea:
The Digital Dominant Platform: A Comprehensive Ecosystem for Empowerment and Growth
The Digital Dominant Platform offers a transformative experience for managing personal growth, productivity, and the complexities of power dynamics. Designed with the BDSM and kink communities in mind, it also provides valuable tools for broader applications, ensuring flexibility and relevance for a wide range of users.
This platform isn’t just about managing tasks—it’s about fostering clarity, empowerment, and connection in every aspect of life.
Onboarding: A Personalized Start
The onboarding process ensures the platform adapts to your unique needs and preferences, making it feel like a custom-built solution. Users answer key questions to create a tailored experience:
What areas of your life need structure? From professional projects to personal exploration, the platform identifies focus points.
How do you prefer to be guided? Options include subtle nudges, direct instructions, or adaptive approaches.
What are your boundaries? Users define limits for interactions, ensuring all suggestions are aligned with comfort levels.
What are your goals? Whether it’s mastering new skills, enhancing relationships, or achieving creative breakthroughs, the platform is built to help you succeed.
Once onboarding is complete, the platform provides an intuitive dashboard and actionable first steps, guiding you into its ecosystem seamlessly.
Scheduling and Time Management
The scheduling tools relieve the mental load of planning by creating structures that fit your lifestyle and energy levels.
Dynamic Scheduling Assistant The assistant crafts daily and weekly plans that adapt to your priorities. Examples include:
Organizing preparation, execution, and aftercare for a kink scene.
Blocking focused work sessions in the morning and creative brainstorming in the afternoon.
Planning multi-step projects, such as preparing for a conference or a weekend retreat.
Energy-Based Task Assignment Tasks are assigned based on your natural energy rhythms to maximize productivity.
Assigning complex tasks like financial planning to high-energy periods.
Scheduling lighter activities like gear cleaning or email catch-up during lower-energy times.
Custom Ritual Scheduling The platform supports recurring rituals for structure and consistency.
Submissives can set reminders for daily check-ins, affirmations, or gratitude journaling.
Professionals can schedule reflection breaks to review accomplishments and next steps.
Recurring Task Optimization Recurring tasks are automated to save time and effort.
Weekly reminders to restock event supplies or clean spaces.
Monthly check-ins to review personal goals and milestones.
Flexible Time Adjustments Life changes quickly, and the platform adjusts your schedule in real time.
Rescheduling prep for a delayed event.
Moving a missed workout or creative session to another slot.
Project Management and Collaboration
This suite helps users break down big ideas, track progress, and collaborate effectively.
Goal Hierarchies and Milestone Tracking The platform simplifies complex goals into actionable steps. Examples include:
Hosting a kink education workshop with milestones for venue booking, advertising, and material preparation.
Writing a book by creating timelines for outlining, drafting, editing, and publishing.
Planning a family trip by coordinating budgets, itineraries, and accommodations.
Group Accountability Systems Shared task tracking ensures smooth collaboration in group projects.
Assign roles like outreach, logistics, and creative tasks for community events.
Track individual contributions in team projects to ensure accountability and progress.
AI-Powered Delegation Tasks are assigned to the right people based on availability and strengths. Examples include:
Assigning tech-savvy participants to handle AV equipment at an event.
Having the most organized person manage RSVP tracking for a party.
Risk Prediction and Mitigation The AI flags risks and offers solutions before they become problems.
Highlighting delays in permits for an event and suggesting alternatives.
Notifying users of resource shortages and recommending adjustments to timelines.
Exploration and Identity Development
This suite creates a safe, structured environment for self-discovery and growth.
Role-Play Scenario Generator Interactive scenarios help users explore new dynamics or skills. Examples include:
Practicing a Dom/sub negotiation in a controlled environment.
Simulating a conversation for introducing kink to a new partner.
Trying a playful scenario, such as a royalty/servant or pirate/prisoner theme.
Identity Mapping and Tracking Track your evolving preferences and patterns over time.
Log reactions to new scenes, identifying what worked and what didn’t.
Reflect on how roles in relationships evolve and change over time.
Map long-term goals, like moving toward a 24/7 dynamic or improving relationship communication.
Custom Exploration Paths Step-by-step guides for trying new experiences:
Starting with sensory deprivation using blindfolds, then progressing to earplugs or full hoods.
Exploring power dynamics incrementally, such as light role-play before introducing explicit power exchange.
Personal Growth Goals The platform tracks and encourages individual development:
Daily journaling to unpack feelings or document personal growth.
Planning therapy sessions or self-care routines for emotional well-being.
Tracking progress in mastering new skills, such as rope-tying techniques or public speaking.
Event Planning and Social Coordination
The platform simplifies the complexities of organizing events and social interactions.
Event Management Tools Tools ensure every detail is planned and tracked. Examples include:
Creating timelines for kink conventions, including scheduling speakers and workshops.
Managing logistics for play parties, such as arranging supplies and creating playlists.
Planning professional gatherings like team-building events or conferences.
Social Features The platform enhances connection and coordination within groups.
Manage RSVPs and distribute pre-event surveys to attendees.
Host virtual planning meetings with integrated chat and task management tools.
Collaborative Messaging and Summaries Stay aligned with team members through concise updates.
Summarize key takeaways from meetings, such as next steps or deadline adjustments.
Set reminders for action items agreed upon during group discussions.
Creative and Specialized Tools
These tools foster innovation and adaptability for users navigating diverse scenarios.
AI Brainstorming Partner Generate ideas and solve challenges creatively. Examples:
Suggest new sensory play combinations, like contrasting temperatures or incorporating soundscapes.
Provide ideas for a themed event, such as “Fantasy Night” or “Steampunk Play Party.”
Assist small business owners with unique marketing angles tailored to niche audiences.
Interactive Scenario Builder Visualize outcomes for complex decisions:
Evaluate whether to introduce a new kink dynamic into an existing relationship.
Compare timelines for pursuing multiple career paths and their potential outcomes.
Content Creation Assistance Support for personal or professional creative projects:
Helping a writer refine dialogue for a novel with kink-positive themes.
Suggesting concepts for educational workshops or training videos.
Visualization and Reflection
Reflection tools provide a clear picture of progress, helping users refine their goals.
Customizable Dashboards Dashboards provide clarity and motivation by displaying progress visually:
A kink educator tracks workshop attendance and participant feedback.
A fitness enthusiast logs completed workouts and improvements in strength or endurance.
Scene and Activity Logs Detailed records foster reflection and improvement:
Review a scene’s successes and areas for adjustment, such as pacing or intensity.
Reflect on lessons learned from professional projects, improving workflows for the future.
Why This Platform Excels
The Digital Dominant Platform bridges the gap between structure and flexibility, offering tailored tools for productivity, growth, and connection. By adapting to individual needs, it empowers users to explore, achieve, and thrive in every aspect of their lives.
Whether managing a project, building relationships, or mastering new skills, the platform provides clarity and support for the complexities of modern living.
It used to be said that ideas were cheap and execution was what matters, and this is true, but execution is now so much easier than it used to be. If you can take the above AI generated concepts into a viable product before me: cool! I hope you have the right conversations about the process while you're working through it. That's the real value here.
I'd even go so far as to say that my version of this platform won't be the one described above. LLMs aren't great with this subject yet.
what's next?
Collapse is next, obviously. That's the point of this newsletter after all. My main reasons for writing this newsletter and imagining this app are philosophical and ethical in nature, first and foremost, with the goal of sparking a variety of necessary and inevitable conversations and a secondary goal of maybe establishing an actual brand in the bdsm/kink/alt space.
This isn't supposed to make people comfortable, and also it relates heavily to collapse.
Collapse is common and natural. You can see a desire for it at the start of many BDSM scenes, and you can find beauty in the release of it when it's approached in healthy and well-considered ways. I've spectated and supervised a wide variety of collapses in my life and I see immense value for this platform in the lives of a wide variety of people. How many people? Well, like I said earlier, the bdsm events in my city get as much attendance as the tech and entrepreneurship events, so if you think this whole business sub-culture is bigger than the bdsm/kink one, you may be in for a surprise.
As we move forward, I want to ask you: how much control do you really have over your life?
And how much of that control would you willingly share if it meant gaining clarity, empowerment, and connection?
Whether through this platform or the conversations it sparks, I hope this issue leaves you thinking about what control—and collapse—mean to you. I understand not wanting to think about these things but that doesn't mean they don't exist.
Control, collapse, dominance, submission. There's a lot of real complicated stuff to think about.
Thanks for reading. Stay tuned next week as we delve into Adaptation.